I have lived most of my life in shame.
Ashamed of my messy room.
Ashamed of not being able to keep up in sports.
Ashamed of making mistakes and messing up.
From all the sick days and doctors’ visits
to the nights spent believing I was imagining my pain,
I learned to apologize for my existence.

But sorry after sorry,
I never made the one apology I truly needed.
To myself.

I’m sorry you grew up thinking you weren’t enough.
Your pain and anxiety are real and have a cause, it’s not all in your head.
And I’m sorry it took 22 years to find out you had a chronic illness.

Film photography has allowed me to treasure imperfections and cherish each shutter of my
camera to moments I feel grateful, for the growth I have made to see past the surface, and
experience the world with sentimental value, for the good or uncomfortable nostalgia.

The beauty of giving up control to the variables of the film and development has allowed me to
appreciate the mistakes, the uncontrollable, and feel no shame for them.